Today during worship we sang "Bless the Lord oh my Soul" by Matt Redman, and at one point during the music playing some of the musicians came up and shared things they were thankful to God for doing in their lives. For me it was a moving moment, and very precious. I have blogged about miscarriage, some of the hassles of military life, and religious/relational problems, and yet to hear other people sharing how God has worked was very healing for me.
As I have shared in an older post, I have struggled with a lot of pain over losing our first child early in pregnancy, and deployment soon after that did not help the situation. I have since spoken to many people who have lost children through miscarriage, and it puts huge pressure on marriages and families, and most people who have not experienced it often don't understand how to respond helpfully. I don't fault people for not knowing how to respond, but I would humbly suggest from what I have seen and heard that in these situations that no two marriages nor do any two people respond the same way to such deep hurt, nor does it affect everyone to the same degree. In my view, the most helpful people in tragedy of any kind are the ones who offer emotional support to those who hurt, rather than those who offer conversation or try to put context to the grief.
Death is not something that ever happens "for a reason"; it is arbitrary, pain-inducing, and a part of the fallenness of this evil world. Just because my pregnancy would have been difficult with my husband being deployed during the second and third trimester does not mean it was "for the best" when we lost the baby. God understands this and allows his children to grieve without having to give them answers. What I learned during that most painful time in my life, though it was not the only painful time I'd ever had either before or after, was that God was (and is) competent to comfort me. The God of all Comfort doesn't have to explain himself to me, but he does love me. Perhaps that time built my faith more than any event before or after it.
The beauty of God's loving comfort is that he can cope with my pain. It is to God's credit that my husband and I got through that time trusting him, and God was and is able to handle our lingering hurts and fears. To know God in the depths and find myself held onto by him is the biggest blessing of my life. From false things I had believed about God, I was led to the truth of who God is. I had feared I was being punished by God for things others had accused me of being or doing, but instead I have found grace and peace from him. God has since blessed us with a son, and another on the way who is kicking rather well. He does "give and take away," may God's name be glorified in my life.